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the spoken by minsa

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Great Frickin' Literature by TheSkull31




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Submitted on
February 27, 2013
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Once upon a time I wanted to die
I would hide in my room and cry and cry

No one ever noticed and no one would ask
And if they ever did I would put on a mask

It started a few years back when they got a divorce
My parents did split with both yelling and force

I was left alone and told to go play
But how could I lie and tell them okay

I was only a child, but not anymore
The year I was four is no more

Now I am considered a beautiful young lady
But looking in the mirror I no longer see Katie

What I see is the scars left behind
From a girl once little, perfect, and kind

I fight with myself every single day
I cannot win, and my body’s gone astray

When did I start cutting? I said I never will
When did I start cursing? Or start popping pills?

I must have stopped eating or something else is wrong
Dear God please can you help me, where do I belong?

My ribs jut from my waist
And is that blood I taste?

How do they not notice? Why do they look away?
Why do I always smile and tell them I’m okay

‘Cause the truth is that I lie; I do it every day
I can’t keep going on, is the prayer that I pray

My friends say I am pretty, but that’s not what I see
Instead I see a dying girl in broken tragedy

Who knows when I’ll die, damn I do not care
I will keep pretending and walking in despair

‘Cause when you lose yourself, that is when you die
So never let go of yourself, never say goodbye
This is not who I am fyi xD I just like writing depressing poetry. I always have 'cause my brain gets deep in this stuff and it wants to understand it all. I've always been that way. I just....I get it. I've been there. Anyway, thought I'd write something and this is what i got. Enjoy? xD

Oh yea, that photo is me...o.o I thought it fit well with this poem. xD I guess anyway
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:iconpikachuvirus1996:
Pikachuvirus1996 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
deep poetry and a wonderful picture^^ amazing:D
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:iconchey4ever:
Chey4ever Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really rather liked this one :D ^^ i know the feelings about getting the darker parts or trying to understand. This poem is a lovely one ^^ tho sad as it is
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:iconsilverscreams999:
SilverScreams999 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
this reminded me about a lot of songs by the band SuperChick (may have got the spelling wrong cuz i haven't listened to them in a long time) but the one it reminds me of most is Beauty From Pain
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:iconmattxmello112:
MaTtXmELLo112 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
Even though you aren't that person. YOU'RE STILL BEAUTIFUL.
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:iconspiritar:
Spiritar Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have to say, the way you've got the imagery here is amazing. You've managed to strike quite a balance of subtleties. The subtle verses (Stanzas? I'm not actually sure) really get me thinking, and feeling for myself, which I find rather haunting as it builds well on the upfront nature of the others. An upfront description of a situation such as you start with really sets the direction and general mood and then the questioning really sparks a bit of self-reflection. Not just describing how you feel, but actually causing a 'how would I feel in that situation' effect.
Also, I like the fact that you've diverted the focus from the one topic, the divorce, to how good you feel you look. Considering that in situations like this while they are horrible in themselves, they are frequently compounded by other things such as, insecurities. While you've not explicitly said so, the way you mentioned that you don't see yourself as others do, really got me thinking that while not directly related, any difficult event in someone's life makes other aspects suffer as a result.
Unfortunately, I feel that while your use of imagery is extraordinary, I feel the flow and rhythm is rather awkward in places. Specifically, I find "I can’t keep going on, is the prayer that I pray" a rather difficult line to read as the first part doesn't come across as much of a 'prayer' and the repetition comes across as just words for the sake of extra words. As for the rhythm, the first few verses (again, stanzas?) set the tone of a constant rhythm, however, there are subtly deviations as you continue reading that make certain lines feel off-beat, so to speak.
Oh, and a quick not on the photo too. The empty road, and the fact that you're not only looking down, but also off to the side of the road set's a lonely tone. The feeling is that not only is your 'path' a solitary one, but that it's not something you chose yourself. However, the leg up gives an air of effort, which gives a sense of confidence about you, which I feel detracts from the feel somewhat.

All in all, my opinion of this is that you've some great imagination, thought and feelings conveyed to your reader there, but your choice of wording in regards to poetic rhythm could use some work.
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:iconsasurealian:
Sasurealian Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, thank you for your amazing comment. ^^ It means a lot to me. =)

I know I still have stuff to work on when I write, but the fact that I can write something and just....I dunno....like feel....and then have someone say it's good makes me really happy. So thank you so very much =D
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:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
the sad part is, as you know, that this is many a child's experience, and then some. you might like my take on "The power of love" :)
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013   General Artist
awww! yeah, tragedy is fun. :highfive: nice rhythm & meter.
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:iconnovouto:
Novouto Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Student General Artist
Sometimes it's a lot of fun to write really depressing stuff lol
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:iconmimilabeau:
mimilabeau Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
too many perfect people on da...
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